Thursday, November 27, 2008

Learning from Muslims (ooops, I meant Terrorists)
All muslims are not terrorists but some how all terrorists happen to be muslims?

Meaning of leadership: “process of social influence in which one person is able to enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task”

Meaning of Terrorism: There is no internationally agreed definition of terrorism. Most common definitions of terrorism include only those acts which are intended to create fear (terror), are perpetrated for an ideological goal (as opposed to a lone attack), and deliberately target or disregard the safety of non-combatants.

Yesterday's events in Mumbai reminded us of September 11 2001. My wife and I remembered what we went through on that day. After that day, I have always wondered about Bin Ladens leadership/managerial skills. I consider him as a great leader for a shitty/hideous cause (we think its a bad cause, but they think its martyrdom). I believe there is lots to learn from them. If not anything IT people can learn “planning and execution”.

Imagine a project (like the one that is carried out in Mumbai) of such magnitude being managed by a manager from an IT services company? (boy I need another post for it). We cant even deliver software on time, these guys deliver death/war with immaculate precision. I am sure they would have busted projects too, but whatever they deliver, meets their goals(I guess). Few things I would like to learn from these bastards are listed below.
  1. What process do these managers use? Are they PMP certified, Scrum Masters, Prince etc. From what I know, they cant be using agile/iterative methods.
  2. Risk Management: Do they have a risk log? To what level do they have contingency planning. I mean lets say they have requirement R1. What if they cant implement/execute R1. How do they mitigate it?
  3. TEAM Morale: How does this manager keep the team morale. Think about it. If it takes 6 months to a year to plan something like this. How do you keep these shit heads who are ready to sacrifice their life's to believe in the same when execution time comes?. Is 72 virgins and 28 young pre-pubescent boys, in heaven shit still working? (I can quote the chapters of Qur'an if needed). I guess the problem is, the dead cannot confirm that they didn't get those virgins. How do they deal with unhappy employee? I guess he will die but will not get those virgins and boys. I can't believe prophet had envisioned Homosexuals in that era.
  4. Recruitment: What kinda people do they hire? How do they know if the person fits into their organisation or not? Do they have firing policy if some one does not perform?
  5. Training: Other than the daily dose of Qur'an, what do these guys read/learn? Is reading Qur'an enough to build such mother fuckers? I am sure IT managers would love to discover some book which will make their team members so committed.
  6. Funding: Man how do they raise money? Are projects like these funded directly/indirectly by our Bollywood actors?
After all this our leader, honourable Prime Minister of India, in his address to the nation said “terrorists who attacked Mumbai were based outside India”. Sir, I agree you have great brains but you need to get some balls for yourself. You should also change your speech writer(if you have one). Whats up with this "terrorists who attacked Mumbai", arent you suppose to say "terrorists who attacked us" ? or you could have said “early information indicates that these people are of Pakistan origin”. I understand that, event of this magnitude may lead to communal riots and more losses, but trying to be politically correct(so called secular shit to appease minority) when some one declares war on us (on our own streets) is not a great idea. I think you should hear Roosevelt speech to know how to speak as a leader when shit hits the roof. I guess all our politicians should be sent for a crash course with Bin Laden (if he is still alive) to learn leadership qualities.

pissed off
K

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

lol dude.. how do you draw these analogies.. hilarious.. but still thought provoking. As usual, Master K dishes out only the best and in a simple yet hard-hitting language that can make those pig-heads squirm.. awesome..

-M