Thursday, November 27, 2008

Learning from Muslims (ooops, I meant Terrorists)
All muslims are not terrorists but some how all terrorists happen to be muslims?

Meaning of leadership: “process of social influence in which one person is able to enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task”

Meaning of Terrorism: There is no internationally agreed definition of terrorism. Most common definitions of terrorism include only those acts which are intended to create fear (terror), are perpetrated for an ideological goal (as opposed to a lone attack), and deliberately target or disregard the safety of non-combatants.

Yesterday's events in Mumbai reminded us of September 11 2001. My wife and I remembered what we went through on that day. After that day, I have always wondered about Bin Ladens leadership/managerial skills. I consider him as a great leader for a shitty/hideous cause (we think its a bad cause, but they think its martyrdom). I believe there is lots to learn from them. If not anything IT people can learn “planning and execution”.

Imagine a project (like the one that is carried out in Mumbai) of such magnitude being managed by a manager from an IT services company? (boy I need another post for it). We cant even deliver software on time, these guys deliver death/war with immaculate precision. I am sure they would have busted projects too, but whatever they deliver, meets their goals(I guess). Few things I would like to learn from these bastards are listed below.
  1. What process do these managers use? Are they PMP certified, Scrum Masters, Prince etc. From what I know, they cant be using agile/iterative methods.
  2. Risk Management: Do they have a risk log? To what level do they have contingency planning. I mean lets say they have requirement R1. What if they cant implement/execute R1. How do they mitigate it?
  3. TEAM Morale: How does this manager keep the team morale. Think about it. If it takes 6 months to a year to plan something like this. How do you keep these shit heads who are ready to sacrifice their life's to believe in the same when execution time comes?. Is 72 virgins and 28 young pre-pubescent boys, in heaven shit still working? (I can quote the chapters of Qur'an if needed). I guess the problem is, the dead cannot confirm that they didn't get those virgins. How do they deal with unhappy employee? I guess he will die but will not get those virgins and boys. I can't believe prophet had envisioned Homosexuals in that era.
  4. Recruitment: What kinda people do they hire? How do they know if the person fits into their organisation or not? Do they have firing policy if some one does not perform?
  5. Training: Other than the daily dose of Qur'an, what do these guys read/learn? Is reading Qur'an enough to build such mother fuckers? I am sure IT managers would love to discover some book which will make their team members so committed.
  6. Funding: Man how do they raise money? Are projects like these funded directly/indirectly by our Bollywood actors?
After all this our leader, honourable Prime Minister of India, in his address to the nation said “terrorists who attacked Mumbai were based outside India”. Sir, I agree you have great brains but you need to get some balls for yourself. You should also change your speech writer(if you have one). Whats up with this "terrorists who attacked Mumbai", arent you suppose to say "terrorists who attacked us" ? or you could have said “early information indicates that these people are of Pakistan origin”. I understand that, event of this magnitude may lead to communal riots and more losses, but trying to be politically correct(so called secular shit to appease minority) when some one declares war on us (on our own streets) is not a great idea. I think you should hear Roosevelt speech to know how to speak as a leader when shit hits the roof. I guess all our politicians should be sent for a crash course with Bin Laden (if he is still alive) to learn leadership qualities.

pissed off

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Do we need ETHICS?

Last evening when we reached home after work, my wife was furious about something. I waited for her to start the discussion rather than provoking (you know how woman are...). She started, I cant believe how companies like Infosys bill/estimate. Its absolutely ludicrous and unethical. I started laughing(my usual sarcasm). She said I know that's one of the reasons why you don't want to work for such companies. I said, one of the best services company in bangalore I worked for, did not have billing ethics, forget about Infosys/Sathyam/TCS etc. None of them have ethics in their company message. None of the services companies do business ethically. I know I am making a very broad and bold statement, but that's what it is. If they are ethical they will not survive. Competition in prostitution business is cut throat. I remember one of the VP at Thomson Financials(TF) was fired as he took soft kickbacks from a Indian IT services company to make them the preferred pimp of TF (of-course VP was an Indian).

    I started thinking, why is ethics so important for some people? I guess when you don't have kids, you don't have time to think about these things and care about them. Once you have kid(s) (you wanted to have one), then things change. The way you think and look at things change. For example, lots of my single friends where complaining about 11PM pub closing rule in bangalore. I used to think, what's wrong with that. I am sure if I was single, I would be complaining too. The problem I face is, if I am not ethical then its hard for me to teach my kid to be honest and ethical. I try my best to lead by example. I am not claiming that I have accomplished six sigma in it, but I try. Its beyond my comprehension, how these people who work at such places go back home and teach their kids to be honest. Its like you smoking in front of the kid and then later when she is an adult advising her not to smoke. I am sure if you die a brutal death and the doctor says that smoking caused it, no sensible kid will ever touch cigarette in his/her life. I understand that kids don't come to your work place and see how dishonest/unethical you are, but wouldn't it prick when you ask them to be honest/ethical?
     The other side of the coin is, the guy who is paying should be smart. If he is not then why shouldn't we take him for a ride. I think if you work in services industry as a prostitute, you can only have ethics as an individual prostitute. If you start thinking at the pimp level, you are in for some pain (only if you have ethics). Long live the PIMP.

    After i wrote this post, i met phani for one last mountain goat before he heads to pleasure island (Bangalore, India). We started discussing on the same thing as he is one cool prostitute (i mean works in IT services, not a Jigalow) and we talked about how everything is relative these days. For example... say we are in a big restaurant and the guy charges less than what he is suppose to, how many of us go back and say that you have charged less. Very few of us will do that. My justification would be, bastard charges us so much, it is ok for me to be dishonest. I remembered my dad, as he always used to say "If you steal mustard you are a thief, if you steal an elephant you are still a thief". I guess that is not true any more. Today if you steal mustard and compare yourself with some one who has stolen an elephant, you are a lesser thief.
    Question is, should our kids be honest? If the answer to that is yes then, whom will they learn from?